22 February 2019 A specter looms over American education - the specter of teacher strikes. With teachers across America upset over pay (national baseline average salary is roughly $-13K per year), benefits (one must donate a kidney or liver in order to obtain certification), and the daily task of dealing with America's cretinous, YouTube addicted … Continue reading Oakland Teachers: Our Strike Will Definitely Sort This Little ‘Education’ Issue Once and for All →

19 February 2019 Late Friday, Dan Ozymandias stunned family and community members when, during his daughter's JV volleyball game at 4:30pm local time (roughly two hours before Varsity plays), the 46 year-old father of two made an awkward racial comment regarding the team's sole black member, Tiffany. A mild-mannered software engineer who donates to the … Continue reading Local Dad Commits Faux Pas at Daughter’s JV Volleyball Game →

16 February 2019 Early yesterday, a car bomb, allegedly planted by radical Islamist terrorists, eviscerated a column of vehicles carrying Indian paramilitary troops in the Indian-administered state of Kashmir along the northern border with Pakistan. With at least 37 dead at the time of writing, this incident represents the latest in a long line of … Continue reading India, Pakistan Face Off in Kashmir →

15 February 2019 While Sen. Mitch McConell currently finds himself embroiled in negotiations to both end the looming government shutdown (#theremix) and declare an emergency to quell the imminent invasion of Arizona by the joint forces of Pancho Villa, MS-13, and AMLO, the Kentucky Senator finds himself in the media for quite different reasons: the … Continue reading McConell’s Mother’s Memoirs Released →

15 February 2019 Shocking news emerged from Fauqier County, Virginia this week when a local community survey assessing the performance of fifth graders revealed a 100% correlation between vaccinated children and those performing below national standards in literacy and quantitative reasoning. This study comes in the immediate wake of a series of tweets by White … Continue reading Vaccination Correlated with Low Academic Testing in Rural Community →

14 February 2019 After 15 plus years of swimming against the tide, Opportunity, a Mars Rover launched in 2003, has died. The solar powered robot has failed to answer any of NASA's signals since last June due to dust storms, Trump's tax plan, and inclement weather. After over 835 unanswered commands, NASA is relieving Opportunity … Continue reading Opportunity Fades After 15+ Years →

13 February 2018 Many years ago, when a bunch of Iraqis were once trying to find reverse on a decommissioned Soviet tank, a prominent US politician responded to antagonistic pressure by declaring "There is a line in the sand; this line you do not cross." However, after that Iraqi line over two decades ago clearly … Continue reading Costas Mulls Reasons for Departure on ESPN’s “Outside the Lines” →

12 February 2018 During yesterday's Grammy Awards presentation, Disney release their first glimpse of the widely touted live action remake of Aladdin - one of the most beloved story's from a narrative largely concerned with a young virgin delaying her execution at the hands of Mohammad Bin Salman. In the upcoming live action remake of … Continue reading Will Smith Responds to First Glimpses of Disney’s Live Action Aladdin →

12 February 2019 From Cardi B's emotional win to the notable absence of a water-bearing victim of human trafficking on the red carpet, last night's annual Grammy Awards show was truly an event to behold. In the 'Best Song of the Year' category, rap artist Childish Gambino made history by beating out Drake and that … Continue reading Neeson, Gambino Light Up Grammy’s with Electric Performance →

9 February 2019 It's tough to be a member of President Trump's administration nowadays, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Recently, White House adviser and former Slytherin house prefect Kellyanne Conway described a politically motivated assault that occurred last year in front of her reptilian spawn daughter at a Mexican restaurant in suburban Washington DC. Speaking to reporters … Continue reading Conway Describes Horrific Assault →