18 January 2018 Early Thursday morning, the world of fine art and historical symbology was stunned to learn that Jake W. Calhoun, a 42 year old American father of three visiting the Louvre museum with his family, had inadvertently located a map detailing the burial location of Mary Magdalene, believed by some to be the … Continue reading Louvre Tourist Inadvertently Solves Da Vinci Code →

17 January 2019 The British mainstream media was caught at a complete loss for words late Wednesday following a bizarre media appearance by UK Prime Minister Theresa May. Following a victory in a no-confidence vote in which her Conservative Party narrowly escaped losing control of the government, May greeted members of the media by gently … Continue reading Theresa May in Bizarre Post-Confidence Vote News Conference →

17 January 2019 Karen Pence, the forgettable wife of the bigoted, yet otherwise eminently forgettable Vice-President Mike Pence, made waves early Tuesday when she accepted a teaching position at the Immanuel Christian School, which forbids gay students and requires employees to affirm that marriage is a lifetime of bickering and misery that only can possibly … Continue reading Karen Pence Accepts Christian Teaching Position →

15 January 2019 It has been just over two months since a federal judge in New York City sentenced Michael Cohen, President Donald Trump’s former lawyer, to three years in prison over what the judge called a “veritable smorgasbord” of sumptuously delicious crimes, the most important of which alleges Cohen paid hush money to two … Continue reading Michael Cohen Details ‘Descent into Darkness’ →

12 January 2018 On Friday, the United States government shutdown reached it's twenty-first day (#shots) as over 800,000 federal employees missed their first paycheck due to the shutdown, which remains ongoing due to disagreements between Congress and the White House regarding some $5 B in funding for a wall at the US-Mexico border. While previous … Continue reading Shutdown Day 21: ICE at Risk of Running Short of Funds to Pay Contractors →

10 January 2018 President Donald Trump repeated Wednesday his demand for border wall funding, stressing the need for a new mini-mall on the US-Mexico border to stem the tide of illegal immigration and arguing it would be politically "foolish" for him to agree to reopen the government unless his demands are met. "They say it's … Continue reading Other Medieval Solutions that Work →

10 January 2019 Late Wednesday evening, during primetime television programming, the approximately 4.87% of Americans still watching basic cable had their programs interrupted for an official televised address from President Donald Trump. Almost three years into his first term, this occasion immediately became notable as President Trump’s first televised address to the American people. The … Continue reading President Trump in Historic First Live Televised Address →

5 January 2019 The United States Department of State and Israeli Foreign Service announced late Thursday that they intended to hold an “International Symposium on Domestic Security, Border Control, and Progressive Incarceration” sometime during the New Year. The event, which critics have labeled “Detention Convention 2k19”, is roughly planned to include an expo on various … Continue reading US, Israel Plan ‘Detention Convention’ →

3 January 2019 Flight attendants responded to an incident on Delta flight 2340 from Detroit to Denver late yesterday evening in which an entitled, white mother of two had a complete meltdown in which she disparaged flight staff, the airline industry, members of the millennial generation, the Asian continent, and her own children. Passengers sitting … Continue reading Entitled Mother Loses Shit on Delta Flight →

3 January 2019 The holiday season came to a somber, conclusive end this week as reports emerged last night that the Grinch, a cantankerous holiday villain notorious for his antipathy toward both the holiday season and residents of Whorusalem (formerly Whoville), had been killed by US Special Forces working in coordination with the Whosraeli state … Continue reading Holiday Villain Buried at Sea →