8 December 2018 Germany's ruling Christian Democrat Union has chosen Krampus, a horned anthropomorphic Christmas demon, as its new party leader, ending Angela Merkel's 18-year reign. The half-goat, half-demon mythical Germanic creature narrowly beat Friedrich Merz, a millionaire lawyer, in a run-off vote in Hamburg. Chancellor Merkel, who will see out the final three years … Continue reading Krampus to Succeed Merkel as Leader of CDU →

7 December 2018 Late Thursday evening, the United States Department of Arts and Culture (USDAC) formally revealed that, as of January 1st, 2019, shitposting would replace baseball as the nation's official pastime. In a statement to national media, a ranking cabinet member of the USDAC highlighted a recent organization report that detailed, "Almost all Americans, … Continue reading Shitposting Replaces Baseball as National Pastime →

7 December 2018 Jose Mourinho, the embattled manager of Manchester United Football Club, is to enjoy what many believe to be his final meal at United's training facility at Carrington this evening. Suspicions were aroused when the facility's chef nervously informed Mourinho today with a painful, forced smile that "he could order anything he liked … Continue reading Mourinho to Enjoy Final Meal at Carrington →

7 December 2018 Despite last week's trade agreements between the United States and China, it would appear that the diplomatic tit-for-tat between President Trump's administration and the newly powerful China is due to continue unabated. Early Thursday, it was revealed that the daughter of one of China's largest telecommunications firms, Meng Wanzhou of Huawei, has … Continue reading China Deplores Human Rights Violation, Reaches American Levels of Hypocrisy →

5 December 2018 Throughout Tuesday, former President Bush's body lied in state at the US Congress as political luminaries and the Washington DC elite paid homage to the former Cold Warrior and aficionado of Japanese cuisine. In a show of bipartisan unity that spanned both sides of the political divide, several of America's most prominent … Continue reading Bush Memorial Disrupted by Service Animal →

"De mortuis nihil nisi bonum." - Traditional Roman Saying 4 December 2018 I opposed the Civil Rights Bill in 1964 and, later, against the direct wishes of my constituents, similar housing bills.... My position of privilege was directly predicated on my father's laundering of Nazi money/continued business in violation of both US and international law … Continue reading WL Game of the Week: Guess the former US President →

4 December 2018 Last week, the Oakland Athletics announced their plans to complete a full transition to playing in one of the city's many abandoned, derelict warehouses by the 2023 regular season. The move would see the A's move from their current home, Oakland-Alameda County Stadium, to "a bigger shithole that is more truly representative … Continue reading Oakland Athletics to Play in New Stadium by 2023 →

4 December 2018 This morning, President of Nigerian Muhammadu Buhari took to the West African airwaves to assure supporters in Naija and beyond that, despite a mysterious three month absence last year for medical leave, he was in good health and, contrary to previous reports on local television and state media, had not been "replaced … Continue reading Fake News Africa? I Have Not Had Face Removed by Nemesis (Also Not a Clone) – Nigerian President →

31 November 2018 Paris St. Germain Football Club were disappointed Friday morning to learn that their star player, Neymar da Culo Puto a la Gato de Madres Fuertes Junior la Costa de Ribeirio la Cabron, better known in the world of professional football as simply Neymar, would not be available for selection in PSG's final … Continue reading Neymar Suffers Spontaneous Combustion, Will Miss Champions League Group Final →

30 November 2018 Wow wow wee wow wow, friends! Vlad is sooooo happy to be writing to you once again. First things, Vlad must be apologizing for such long time between writings; Vlad knows that readers are only liking Vlad on garbage WikiLeeks site. In America, Vlad is hearing that you having saying that says, … Continue reading Just Putin’ Around: Ukraine Again, Lol →