30 November 2018 Earlier this week, the world was shocked to find out that Chinese scientists in Shenzen had allegedly facilitated the birth of the world's first gene-edited human infant. Utilizing revolutionary CRISPR-CAS9 gene-editing technology that allows for scientists to selectively edit, cut, and replace genetic sequences in an organism's genetic material (DNA), Chinese scientist … Continue reading Details Emerge On China’s Groundbreaking, Gene-Edited Child →

29 November 2018 "But wait! You haven't even tried on our short sleeve button up white dress shirts! Have you heard of 'Coca-Cola'!?"Last week, an American missionary, in defiance of international and Indian domestic law, was killed after he attempted to contact one of the world's last "untouched" tribes in an island archipelago in the … Continue reading Proselytizing Yank Gets Lesson in Divine Justice →

29 November 2018     Following several months of contentious debate surrounding immigration, media freedom, his exact role in the 2018 midterm elections, and which turkey had insolently leaked fake news to CNN prior to its Thanksgiving pardon, President Trump fled last week to his Mar-A-Lago resort in Southern Florida to escape the myriad consequences … Continue reading Trump Shanks Drive on Mar-A-Lago Back Nine →

27 November 2018 The Ukrainian military command said early Monday that Russian naval forces had opened fire on and seized three of its ships near the disputed Crimean peninsula, escalating a standoff over the Kerch Strait, a key waterway that divides the Crimea from the Sea of Azov. As the UN Security Council continues to … Continue reading Russia Hijacks Ukrainian Vessels, Makes Unique Demands →

"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." - Epictetus, 1st century AD 27 November 2018 Last Thursday, many families celebrated this year’s Thanksgiving holiday with family, friends, and an abundance of great food. For most Americans, Thanksgiving is a … Continue reading Cranberry Conflict Mars Thanksgiving Celebration →

27 November 2018 While most Americans this weekend tended to the lingering after effects of their Thanksgiving feast and some intrepid consumers, exhibiting a deep level of gluttonous self-delusion concerning their metabolic capabilities, went back to the fridge for more, many of America’s less fortunate neighbors in Latin America had far less for which to … Continue reading Latin America Thankful after Rough Weekend →

21 November 2018 Early Tuesday afternoon, President Trump and the soon-to-be-banished White House media gathered on the West Lawn of the White House to take part in what has become a quintessentially American political tradition: the pardoning of several turkeys sparing them their imminent demise in the run-up to Thanksgiving celebrations. On Tuesday afternoon, President … Continue reading Trump Pardons One Turkey, Sends Another and Chicks to Detention Facility →

21 November 2018 For almost a decade now, America has faced a transnational terrorist plot never before seen in contemporary history. Created in a Stratford, Ontario laboratory in 1994 and displaying preternatural talents for appropriating black culture and using said appropriation to hypnotize young, ignorant American women, Justin Bieber has now been enacting uninterrupted warfare … Continue reading Insidious Transnational Terrorist Plot Advances to Second Stage (Entertainment Roundup 20.11.2018) →

20 November 2018 Last April, following a year of President Trump's consistent erosion of the office of President, many Californians expressed their desire to secede from the United States and form their own sovereign nation. Nicknamed 'Calexit' after Britain's similar departure from the European Union, over 44,000 arrogant, short-minded citizens of the Golden State had … Continue reading California Residents Eat Major Crow over ‘Calexit’ →

20 November 2018 "So it's just a little prick and then, in about five to ten minutes, you'll start reciting the Koran and loving Michelle Obama." - Your RN  A recent report from University of Michigan’s CS Mott Children’s Hospital revealed that one out of every three parents reported in an online survey that they … Continue reading 1/3 of Parents Plan on Murdering Children this Holiday Season →