20 February 2020 Last Friday, UEFA announced that Manchester City Football Club had committed "serious breaches" of FIFA's Financial Fair Play rules and, consequently, would receive a two year ban from the only competition they have yet to win with current manager Pep Guardiola - the UEFA Champions League. The club, who categorically refused to … Continue reading Manchester City Owner Responds to Transfer Ban →

18 February 2020 Dear America, It was bad enough seeing the frequent posts of your pets; frankly, they're not nearly as interesting or cute as you believe. (OK... they're actually not that bad sometimes.) It was even worse seeing even more unfortunately frequent pictures of your children on social media; see above, but doubly/ (Unlike … Continue reading Valentine’s Day Social Media Glut Bums Out WL Staff Reporter →

15 February 2020 The centrist, Neoliberal contingent of the Democratic Party is getting increasingly nervous following Bernie Sanders's triumph in both the New Hampshire primary and Iowa Cock-ups earlier this month: James Carville - former political guru to both of the Clinton's and, additionally, noted archenemy to the superhero He-Man - has struck out at … Continue reading Carville and Sanders Clash Over Future of Democratic Party →

5 February 2020 Can you believe these inbred Midwestern corn fuckers? Unbelievable. In case you live under a rock - like my adulterous shit stain of an ex-husband Steve - yesterday was the Iowa caucuses, the true beginning of blue America's epic crusade to grab our fucktard President's political future by the pussy and bring … Continue reading Divorced Karen Editorial: Wtf Iowa →

17 January 2020 A local pharmaceutical firm reported late last week that an individual had "blown them away" with what is being widely described as a "flawless" job interview. The individual in question, local certified professional accountant Hank Rabada aged 29, was surprised by the overwhelmingly positive feedback, telling press he was simply "keeping it … Continue reading Local Man Blows Away Firm with ‘Flawless’ Interview →

15 January 2020 Last night, the Louisiana State Tigers - known affectionately in Louisiana as the 'Bayou Bengals' - dispatched Clemson University 42-25 to win college football's greatest prize. Running through the NCAA's most difficult/illiterate division - the SEC - with an undefeated record, LSU were led by their Heisman-winning quarterback Joe Burrow and colorful … Continue reading Louisiana State Wins NCAA Football Crown →

19 December 2019 As the specter of impeachment imminently looms and the US House of Representatives prepare to make Donald J Trump only the third ever American President to be impeached, the leader has made a desperate, holiday gambit to improve lagging poll numbers. Trump announced early Wednesday that "from December 19 through December 25th … Continue reading Trump in Desperate Holiday Gambit Amidst Impeachment →

5 December 2019 One week ago, the famed "Green Vault" in the German city of Dresden was robbed of several jeweled treasures that scholars have since deemed "priceless" due to their unique, historic nature. The theft was a classic "smash 'n grab" job, with up to four thieves believed to have simply fractured the jewels' … Continue reading Crack French Detective Called in to Solve German Jewel Heists →