26 July 2019 In an exclusive interview with local media outlets, Theresa NaDune - local mother of two and business consultant - revealed to reporters that her son, Jimmy NaDune age 11, had spent the better part of his summer watching too much television, avoiding chores, and perfecting an absolutely flawless air jump shot in … Continue reading 11 Year Old Local Boy Spends Summer Perfecting “Air Shot” in House →

24 July 2019 As Washington DC and America's Eastern Seaboard recover from record temperatures over the weekend, the nation's capital is preparing for another schorcher - this time coming not from high pressure systems and the Liberal climate change hoax - but from former Special Attorney Robert Mueller's anticipated testimony before the House Intelligence and … Continue reading Robert Mueller Seen Psyching Himself Up in DC Hotel Room →

4 July 2019 The United States Women's National Soccer Team defeated a spirited, yet definitively less talented England team on Tuesday to advance to Sunday's final in Lyon, France. Striker Alex Morgan found "the Captain in Her" and scored the Yank's go ahead goal in the game's 31st minute before the American Ladies saw off … Continue reading Former Lionesses: Celebration Missed the Mark →

2 July 2019 Kim Kardashian West announced Monday that she will be changing the name of a recently released product - Kimono Intimates - following reports of mass public outrage in Japan. While initial reports concerned Japan’s outcry concerning the cultural appropriation of a historically treasured garment, Japan’s Minister of Cultural Affairs and Reconquering Manchukuo … Continue reading Japanese Outrage over Kardashian use of puns →

2 July 2019 California Senator and Democratic presidential nominee Kamala Harris followed up her impressive showing in last week’s debate Monday with a fiery performance at a campaign event in which, despite a checkered history with inner-city communities regarding her staunch advocacy of mass incarceration, she proudly attempted to engage with her African American heritage. … Continue reading Kamala Harris Proudly Touts Heritage at Campaign Event →

21 June 2019 After the tenth minute of fruitless waiting, when it became abundantly clear that the blind date of the man in the wrinkled Ralph Polo Shirt at the bar - 29 year old Tony Pretorius who runs a Baskin Robbins franchise in Elk Rapids - was never going to show up, 47 year … Continue reading Man Stood Up on Blind Date, Inexplicably Reaches Higher Level of Consciousness →

31 May 2019 “Everyone who loves pro basketball assumes it's a little fixed. We all think the annual draft lottery is probably rigged, we all accept that the league aggressively wants big market teams to advance deep into the playoffs, and we all concede that certain marquee players are going to get preferential treatment for … Continue reading Hulu Accidentally Leaks Script of Game 1 for NBA Finals →

May 29 2019 In what was surely a desperate, albeit incredibly well thought-out, gambit to cause you to question the existence of ontological notions of justice and generally ruin your fucking Tuesday, that dude you knew from high school - who absolutely fucking sucked - just posted a pic with a girl who is easily … Continue reading Guy who sucks from your High School posts picture with unattainable dime →

29 May 2019 Hundreds of fluttering, Chinese-made American flags gently wave in the breeze as the citizens of Annapolis, Maryland lined Center Street late Monday afternoon for the annual Memorial Day Parade. Children gleefully jostle for candy launched into the early Summer sun, dogs nervously paw at the red, white, and blue sashes pinned around … Continue reading Memorial Day Parades Honor Fallen Children Who Died for Second Amendment →

29 May 2019 In a shock move Tuesday, President Trump ordered federal troops into the state capitol of Birmingham, Alabama in response to Alabama Public Television's refusal to air a recent episode of beloved children's program "Arthur" in which two anthropomorphic animals engage in a same-sex marriage. The controversial episode - in which a Mr. … Continue reading Federal Troops Enter Alabama to Air TV’s ‘Arthur’ →