5 August 2019 Despite the ongoing criminalization of their reproductive organs, women all over American are turning up and turning out for this summer's latest trend: Hot Girl Summer. Originated by female MC Megan My Country Tis of Thee Stallion, Hot Girl Summer is described by the hip-hop artist as "“just being you, just having … Continue reading 2019’s Explosive New Trend: Hot Girl Summer →

3 August 2019 Having verified with her bank that she only has just over forty dollars in her checking account until next Friday, Indiana Sophomore Kelly van der Sok realized that she probably didn't have the requisite ability to continually debase herself and live off of instant noodles for more than a day at a … Continue reading College student with $41.23 in her checking account until next paycheck realizes he doesn’t have what it takes to work in education →

2 August 2019   WOW WOW WEE WOW WOW. IT IS SO GOOD TO BE WRITINGS TO YOU ALL ONCE AGAIN, MY AMERICAN BEST FRIENDS FOR EVER. Yesterday I was drinking vodka on gangplank above industrial shark tank in underground bunker watching shark make lunch of oligarch, and I was thinking to myself... "You are … Continue reading Summer Times is Vlad Times! →

1 August 2019 As political analysts across the country continue to break down last night's first debate, in which Bernie Sanders showed off his new hammer and sickle tattoo and Liz Warren publicly performed an indigenous Onondaga healing ritual in the name of socialized healthcare, tonight's debaters are already squaring off in the Motor City. … Continue reading Biden and Harris Exchange Pleasantries Before Second Dem Debate in Detroit →

31 July 2019 Yesterday - as our network of inanimate bot fans knows already - we brought you reporting on ANTIFA - one of the hottest protest movements in the American news today. Today, we bring you another luminary making waves: Extinction Rebellion. Who are they? What do they want? How will they get it? … Continue reading Protest Group de jour: Meet ‘Extinction Rebellion’ →

30 July 2019 The world was shocked when Elizabeth "Pocahontas" Warren announced earlier today that, despite recent strong showings in the polls and an imminent debate this week in the desiccated husk of American industrialism known as Detroit, she was immediately dropping out of the Democratic Primary for the 2020 Presidential Election. Analysts are baffled … Continue reading BREAKING: WARREN DROPS OUT OF RACE BEFORE DEBATE →

30 July 2019 Earlier this week, the radical left protest/terrorist (funny how that dichotomy works, huh?) organization ANTIFA clashed with the conservative 'Proud Boys' group in Portland, Oregon. For several years now, President Trump has lambasted ANTIFA as a cowardly terrorist organization that should be treated on par with Al-Qaeda, MS-13, and any domestic women's … Continue reading EXCLUSIVE: WL Takes an Intimate Look Inside Terrorist Organization ANTIFA →

29 July 2019 It's no secret that Fox News has a special place in its heart for America's new liberal heartthrob: Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez. From speculating on everything from the actual location of her personal residence to her advocacy of radical monetary theory to her dance moves, Fox News is understandably obsessed with the idea of … Continue reading Fox News Receives Negative Feedback on Online AOC Tracking Feature →

29 July 2019 Earlier this week, President Trump fired off several tweets in which he initially invited several minority members of Congress to "go back to where they came from" before later in the week turning on the City of Baltimore and its elected representative Elijah Cummings. As President Trump's divisive, racist rhetoric continues to … Continue reading America Too Beleaguered by Ills of Capitalism and Free Trade to Arrest Casual Slide into Pervasive Racism →

27 July 2019 Early this week, Fox News anchor Gavin Griffen toured an Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) Processing Center following several weeks of bombastic allegations by Democrat lawmakers regarding the inhumane conditions allegedly found at the department's immigrant processing facilities. What Griffen and Fox News found during their visit to an ICE facility stunned … Continue reading Fox News Reports Alarming Finding in Undercover Tour of ICE Facility →