21 September 2018
*Note: As Autumn sinks in, the air continues to cool, and we settle behind our televisions to watch hundreds of over-paid, semi-literate role models be denied their First Amendment rights/slowly develop CTE, WikiLeeks looks back at some of the hottest news from Summer 2017*
At the age of 11, she began radically advocating for equal education in one of the most inimical global regimes.
At the age of 15, she was shot by members of the Taliban, who wanted to silence her message of empowerment intended for women throughout the world.
Two years later, before she would legally be allowed to cast her vote as a Pakistani citizen*, Malala won the Nobel Peace Prize, becoming the prestigious award’s youngest ever recipient.
Today, Malala turns twenty one.
Having spent previous birthdays advocating for the rights of the oppressed, such as when she visited victims of ISIS in a displaced persons camp last year, WikiLeeks caught up with the Nobel Laureate to find out; what has she got planned for 2018?
“You want to know what I’m doing? I’m gonna get absolutely SHIT FACED,” the birthday girl said, dapping up her peers while apparently exhibiting the cultural effects of her UK-based Cambridge education.
Several videos posted online to the Snapchat accounts of Malala’s friends later confirmed that the Nobel laureate celebrated late into the night, drunkenly FaceTimed former UN Secretary General Boutros Boutros (…. Boutros) Ghali, and, once again, took several rounds of “shots to the dome.”
*Qandeel Baloch, members of the Women’s Action Forum during the 1980s, and the Dalit Community can all attest to just how important the opinions, votes, and treatment of women are to the illustrious Pakistani democratic process.
WikiLeeks News Services 